Crushes

I hate crushes. They have this sort of internal logic that only makes sense as far as a crush goes. I love that free-falling feeling. I love being utterly infatuated. I hate having absolutely no real reason to feel the way I feel. I hate having my brain make up reasons that explain why I feel that way. There is no reason. It's a crush. I can't justify myself at all, and it doesn't really matter. I want it to matter. I want to explain it. I want to know why I'm infatuated with someone I barely know. I can't though. It's part of having a crush. I hate crushes. I hate feeling like I am not in control of myself. I know what I like, what I look for. But that's not what I fall for in a crush. Which part of me is wrong, the conscious or the unconscious? At least crushes only last a short time. Then they either morph into infatuations (crushes still, but based on more realistic views of someone) or evaporate. I've just got to wait it out.

Physical Contact

I love being touched. That probably sounds wrong. I like physical contact. I don't have a boyfriend, I don't have any close friends here, male or female, and I start realizing after a while how rarely I touch someone. On purpose, hardly ever. I'll end up having these days where I'll shake hands at meeting, and realize that it's the first time I've consciously touched someone since meeting the previous week. How awful is that?

Work, for a change.

I'm formatting standard error tables. It sounds easier than it is, due to the fact that they're all in excel, with other things on the page. So they need moved to word, which is easy, again, in theory, but that they're all bastards. Plus, some of the figures were cut, others were changed, but the tables are all still there. So I need to fiddle with things. It sounds piddly, I know, but I really love doing it. I'm crazy, so sue me. And I'm good at tables. I made a lovely display of all 64 possible combinations of the race/ethnicity questions on the census already this week. and then made sure a document is camera ready, and made some other changes on another, and scanned stuff yesterday. I work to quickly--they run out of things for me to do. At least there are enough of these tables to take me a while. And there's more stuff coming in next week. I just have to remember to pay attention to my time.

(no subject)

yay! box came through suscessfully and I've got my clothing again. All stuff has returned from Clarion then. Now, if we could only get someone to rent the damn apartment, I'd be able to unpack everything. right now my bedroom is partioned off, and I can't spread out my stuff to sort into the lateral file and all that. I need my parental unit to come by and pick up a box or so of stuff. Oh! Joy! my dad is coming through next week! I'll have to sort out stuff for him to take back for me. yay!