Crushes

[tanaise]

I hate crushes. They have this sort of internal logic that only makes sense as far as a crush goes. I love that free-falling feeling. I love being utterly infatuated. I hate having absolutely no real reason to feel the way I feel. I hate having my brain make up reasons that explain why I feel that way. There is no reason. It's a crush. I can't justify myself at all, and it doesn't really matter. I want it to matter. I want to explain it. I want to know why I'm infatuated with someone I barely know. I can't though. It's part of having a crush. I hate crushes. I hate feeling like I am not in control of myself. I know what I like, what I look for. But that's not what I fall for in a crush. Which part of me is wrong, the conscious or the unconscious? At least crushes only last a short time. Then they either morph into infatuations (crushes still, but based on more realistic views of someone) or evaporate. I've just got to wait it out.