tanaise | (no subject)

I slept so much yesterday and last night. The good part is that my eye is mostly if not completely better. I'm even wearing my contact, though I kinda feel like I'm taking it out soon, since it's being a little bit uncomfortable. (Yeah, I just took it out. Not perfect, as it's so hard to see things without it, and I'm not happy at all, but at least it won't make my eye any worse.)

The wedding was 7:30 pm, so as family of the groom, we showed up at 6:30 for almost all variations of family photos. I say almost because there wasn't any of the three (or 4) kids, though all three boys were in several (and the 4-yr-old ring bearer, my sister-in-law's nephew, who adores my brother showed up in a number of them as well.) So all that fuss for an attractive dress, and I'm in a total of two pictures--one before with Eli, and one after with them both. I bought a pair of tiny sandal things at walmart--basically strappy little flip flops on a little bitty heel. They sucked for standing in, but I took them off after the photos, and all was good. I'd totally forgotten makeup--I don't know how, I always pack makeup, but nothing this time. Not that it would have mattered after all.

The ceremony wasn't bad. Okay, honestly, it sucked, but that's just because I wouldn't be saying those things. Tiff, however, is pentecostal, so I'm sure for her it was exactly the ceremony she wanted. It was weird, though. There were hymns played at a couple of points, and my mom was mouthing them along with the singer. Only my mom--who was raised Episcopalian. It was short, and very sweet. They both were shaking, or jittering, for most of the ceremony. They did the 'two candles lighting a third' thing and Tif nearly tipped over her candle when she set it back down.

More photos after the wedding, and then off to the reception. At which point my contact's irritation of my eye moved past 'owie' into 'ohgoodgod' in pain levels, which didn't help at all over al, even after I took it outl--sore eye, incipient ear infection, and low blood sugar meant I kept crying over the stupidest things. mostly that I was alone, I think. And my mom kept glaring at me and telling me not to cry, which didn't help (nor did the fact that the food was horrible, so , or that my baby brother came by and said, "How come your eye's all red?") And if, as she told me later, she knew why I was upset, why did she yell at me when I wouldn't get up for the bouquet toss? (though I always won't do them anyways, the only time I've stood up for one was when I was a bridesmaid and it was required.)

So the reception sucked. I don't know any of Eli's friends. Or rather, I probably know 75% of them, as they're kids my brother's been with the whole way through school. I just don't recognize any of them at all. (oh, and the one who lived with us for a couple of years, my mother pointed the wrong person out to me and said it was him, so someone thought I was really crazy when I was talking to him at the bar, I have no doubt.) So no one to talk with except my family, and every time I'd be okay about everything, someone would say, "Oh, dance with your dad for practice," and then get mad at me when I'd start crying again. I don't mind being alone most of the time, it just really sucks some times. I mean, I'm not jealous about anything my brother has--he's doing well for himself, I think it's fine, it's just not anything I'd want--except that I'm so jealous that he has someone who loves him that much. And my other brother brought his long term (2 years? or so) girlfriend as well, and it just made me sad, and I couldn't help it, though the total lack of things I wanted to eat didn't help, nor did the lack of someone to talk to. Oh, and my mother took a really horrible picture of the three of us--my brother's making a face at someone off camera, I think, so his face is all screwed up, and his eyes look like they're rolled back in his head, and I look freaking huge and ugly, and should not eat again for two weeks, at least.

But I took some really nice photos--some mine, some with my brother's camera, this freaking huge SLR monster (though I just put it on auto, thank you very much, though I still messed up some of the photos because the flash takes forever to recharge). The flower girl was adorable--some of the younger boys were 'break-dancing' and so she'd imitate them and fall down onto her butt and turn around and stuff. And I had okay times while I was there, it was just very very much like how I feel when I go to parties at my brother's house, and everyone i know (which isn't many) has found someone else to talk to. Except that at my brother's parties, I can just leave. but here I couldn't. (Somehow, I felt my mother wouldn't approve of me walking home in a dress in the dark.)

But we finally got ready to leave, and I hugged Eli good bye, and had him 'remind' me to be nice to Tiff--as if I've ever been anything but nice to her. But when I hugged her, I told her how I"d always wanted a sister, but had gotten Eli instead, and that one of my housemates had a sister she didn't want, and was trying to get me to trade, but I'd said no because this weekend I was going to get a sister anyways.

So that was the wedding in a nutshell. There was also fixing of my mother's computer, and of my grandmother's computer, and finding my cat (he was sitting in a garden in the back yard, crying when I called him, instead of walking his ass out to see me), and seeing the new big dog (oh good lord, he's big.) And it wasn't nearly enough time there, and I spent 14+ hours in the car this weekend, and I hate work and still wish I could sleep. but other than that, you know.

I'll probably post some of the photos later.