(no subject)

[tanaise]

So I come home and check my work email (I know. it's a bad habit. If it makes you feel better, I can't reply to the emails.), and there's a code of conduct course in the mail--it's got a stupid online thing that I hate, but at least they have questions a drunk monkey can answer, so it's not like i have to take them very seriously. (just FYI: refering to a coworker as a drunk monkey could be considered harassement. I consider having to work with people who are stupider than drunk monkeys to be harassment, but this is more proof that I don't run the world.) Anyways, this time it's all about 'mutual respect," which I think is the PC way to talk about avoiding harassment. And so I got really super paranoid that it was because, like, someone had mentioned that I was flirting with coworkers or something like that. So I asked one of the coworkers who was still online if he'd gotten it too. But of course, the fact that he did doesn't mean I'm not being singled out for attention, it just means he was also being bad.

Anyways, I was not as brave as I should have been, but also not as much of a chicken as I've been in the past. And if I'm even braver tomorrow, i have plans. and who knows, he may be sitting at home having the same conversation with himself. One of my friends made me feel so much better tonight when he pointed out that as pathetic about this as I may be, I'm still better at it than I used to be. That it's really hard, and it really scares me some times, but I still do try. And I do have to keep thinkign about this, and talking about this, and trying to do this. because I don't think it will suddenly be easy, but every time i try it, I do remember the next time that it's not so hard.

Some day I'll stop flinching before it starts hurting.

Comments

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

::patpat::

[podling]

The thing I learned in the "Being Nice to Others" class that I took is that no amount of behavior modification will either create or even simulate mutual respect. But they usually send those things to everyone. You have to do serious stuff to be singled out, and they'd talk to you in person. :)