Strength in Women

[tanaise]

Okay, boys out there who read my journal: Would you describe a woman you're attracted to as strong? Is it something that you're not going to look for in a woman passing you on the street, but rather notice in someone you already know?

I *know* there are guys who like strong women, but am I just picking the wrong word to use here as a descriptor--someone who doesn't need babied, who can take care of herself? I always think of myself as strong--well, not always, but usually--because I know I can take care of myself when I have to, I don't need to rely on anyone else to do stuff for me. Am I wrong? Is this not an attractive trait in women?

Comments

Strong women

[(Anonymous)]

I saw your take on this and also Trent's; interesting. I think both of you make a mistake by generalizing. It is perfectly acceptable for a man to describe a woman he is attracted to as strong, and strength is certainly a trait that attracts some men. The key thing is, the man's observation says something about the man -- he particularly values strength. So; why? Perhaps he has been in relationships destroyed by lack of strength? Perhaps it says something about his family, his parents, his mother? The point is, any observation does two things. If he looks at her tits, that describes him. If he admires the sound of her voice, that describes him. And if he is drawn to her strength (of body, of spirit, of character, or whatever), that says something about him.

-bluejack

Strong women

[(Anonymous)]

Sure I would. Also independent, self-reliant and probably a few other things I can't think of right now. Who wants someone that is not any of those? Probably only a man who is unsure of himself or his ability to deal with a self-assured woman (hey there's another one I couldn't think of above) or needs the security of someone depending on him to justify his existence. And if the attraction has gone further and become love, then it is essential that both partners are secure in the other's ability to stand alone and have the strength to continue alone if events take the other away - literally or figuratively. Anything else means the destruction of the remaining partner, or a definition of love that I can't accept.

Also, strength doesn't mean hardened. And it implies the ability to give oneself to another completely and become softer when appropriate and meld with the partner without fear of losing her own identity.

Wow. Probably more than you wanted to know, but sometimes I get on a roll.

You can call me digDoug.
(never Ishmael !)

Since you asked....

[(Anonymous)]

My issue was with the order of the descriptors and what was emphasized. I don't know many men who would describe a sleeveless dress as a sundress, for example, even though that's what most women would call it. It's a dress and it's short or long. They might notice it was brown, but not taupe.

Even if a man admires a woman's strength, it's unlikely to be the first thing he notices about a woman (unless she's pumping iron at the time). That kind of thing.

I think people focused on the strength as an easy-to-grab-onto thing but it wasn't the primary or only reason I wondered about the sex of the narrator.

Find some people who have changed from m to f or vice-versa for more insight on these things. There's also good sections in Raymond Obstfeld's books on writing; he has successfully written litfic as a woman as well as Edgar-winning mysteries as a man.

And, as a personal nit, I have a real problem with people over the age of about 20 calling men "boys" and women "girls." I give a grace period from 16-20, but, after that, they're men and women.

Deirdre (in case you couldn't tell)