(no subject)

[tanaise]

Times I cried today: Three ish. Once at work which was pretty much a total (silent) breakdown and involved two seperate slightly spaced out times that I was sitting at the computer crying (I can never tell if I'm glad or disappointed that no one notices. Is it possible to be both?) The second, which is the ish, was me sitting in the kitchen after work, before dishcrew, and just crying a little. i was trying not to, cause I know it upsets the boy, but they kept leaking out. And then I made it through dishcrew and through dinner and stayed busy enough to keep distracted from the idea that I was going to cry for several hours that I didn't cry, or even feel like crying. And then after dinner, a while after dinner, I was sitting in the kitchen, one of the girls had me get up to dance with her, and I just started crying, standing in the middle of the kitchen floor. I got hugs from a couple of the girls, and calmed down and washed my face and stopped being a freak. But it will come back. It always does.

We then played trivia pursuit, which I tend to rock at, even though I usually get everyone else's questions a lot easier than with my team. It was great fun, and we watched the olympics at the same time, and watched paul Hamm get the gold. I thought his last routine was as close to flawless as you'll find, but I'm not sure he deserves the gold--that was really some slip up during the vault. i mean, a judge put his arms up to block his oncomingness.


Okay, and now I'm *so* tired. so to bed for me. perchance to deam of a place where I can afford to live.

Comments

Uhm

[spleensoup.livejournal.com]

Listen, I hate to tell you this, but I think you realize it anyway. Your tendency to cry at random moments is not "normal." By this, I mean you are most likely clinically depressed. It's a medical condition & doesn't mean you're crazy. (Well, you might be crazy for other reasons. I don't really know you, afterall.)

Anyway, you don't have to feel like that. I have known several people that took Zoloff or some other anti-depressant & it made such a difference. You should talk to your doctor, or maybe do a little googling for 'clinical depression.' You might be surprised just how common it really is.

Re: Uhm

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

I'm borderline depressive. More commonly, I get situational depression--if the situation changes, I get better or worse. I've been a whole lot better lately. In this case, both the situation and I have changed for the worse.

The key here that probably isn't apparent from just this entry is that I'm not crying at truly random moments--they may appear random from the outside, but I'm crying over a very specific thing, the fact that I have to leave the house. In every case I thought of something I love about the house, and realised that I won't get to be a part of it anymore, and poof, waterworks.