You and me babe ain't nothing but mammals
Aug. 10th, 2004 10:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tanaiseThe fact that I am at work, even if it's a good 20 minutes late, should be counted on the personal victories side of my daily tally. There's a whole group of housies going to the beach today, and even the repetition of the fact that I can't go to the beach at this time of day, that I really can't take time off work, that I need the money more than I need a second degree burn, made it really hard to get out the door this morning at all.
Last night I finished my journal entry, posted it, and went to bed. and promptly hit a panic attack wall of sorts--I'd calm myself down enough to fall asleep, immediately have troubled dreams that i don't remember now except that they were borderline nightmares, wake up, panic, calm down, fall asleep on my other side/my back/holding my teddy bear, and repeat. I did this 4 times between 1:30 and 2:30, and finally got up and found my CD player, which I haven't *needed* in ages. And I still woke up a couple of times in the night, but it was much less of a stressful wake up, so I didn't mind them. I blame Andrea in part, as while talking to her last night I laughed so hard I ended up coughing, which seem to be *a* trigger of anxiety attacks, but not the only one--in this case, I also blame PMS, which lately gives me PMDD, which isn't amusing me. At least I did notice I was trying to upset myself last night, and interupted the cycle before i got too upset to sleep at all. THis is why I love music so much.
Continuing my theory that you can *always* find something on the dollar book/CD shelf that you want or own, while shopping Saturday i found a copy of an Unbelievable Truth CD I'd never seen before. It was a single, and I didn't really need it, but like I said, it's the way the world works. I also saw a copy of Drill Team, the CD with the song "Hold You Down," which is the only song I've complained to a radiostation about (It was a disturbing abuse type song. The chorus was "Hold you down/I will make you love me."). I didn't buy any music, but I got a pair of pants--4 pairs I tried on, the biggest of which was a 34, and they all fit. I only bought one pair of jeans, as the work pants were actually 33s, and while they were okay, I wasn't sure they'd be okay for 8 hours of sitting. But it was okay cause they *did* fit--they closed, I didn't think I'd die from wearing them, and they were only 33s. Wheeee! And I bought a shirt which is trashy--it's labeled a small and it fits like a glove, but it looked good with my cargo pants, and I actually ended up wearing it to the party that night as well. And a beautiful long sleeved dress shirt of the most perfect shade of dark blue. I didn't really need that one, I just really wanted it. And in the shoe department, I found a size 8 pair of medium brown clog style strappy Sanita sandals, which are Dansko, for $10. So they were so coming home with me. And the thrift shop has a by-weight section, which scared me so far as clothing was concerned, but they also had several big tables of shoes, with another pair of dansko (dark brown clogs with a briddle type decoration on them) and a pair of Fly Flots for $1.50 a pound. wheee!
Last night I finished my journal entry, posted it, and went to bed. and promptly hit a panic attack wall of sorts--I'd calm myself down enough to fall asleep, immediately have troubled dreams that i don't remember now except that they were borderline nightmares, wake up, panic, calm down, fall asleep on my other side/my back/holding my teddy bear, and repeat. I did this 4 times between 1:30 and 2:30, and finally got up and found my CD player, which I haven't *needed* in ages. And I still woke up a couple of times in the night, but it was much less of a stressful wake up, so I didn't mind them. I blame Andrea in part, as while talking to her last night I laughed so hard I ended up coughing, which seem to be *a* trigger of anxiety attacks, but not the only one--in this case, I also blame PMS, which lately gives me PMDD, which isn't amusing me. At least I did notice I was trying to upset myself last night, and interupted the cycle before i got too upset to sleep at all. THis is why I love music so much.
Continuing my theory that you can *always* find something on the dollar book/CD shelf that you want or own, while shopping Saturday i found a copy of an Unbelievable Truth CD I'd never seen before. It was a single, and I didn't really need it, but like I said, it's the way the world works. I also saw a copy of Drill Team, the CD with the song "Hold You Down," which is the only song I've complained to a radiostation about (It was a disturbing abuse type song. The chorus was "Hold you down/I will make you love me."). I didn't buy any music, but I got a pair of pants--4 pairs I tried on, the biggest of which was a 34, and they all fit. I only bought one pair of jeans, as the work pants were actually 33s, and while they were okay, I wasn't sure they'd be okay for 8 hours of sitting. But it was okay cause they *did* fit--they closed, I didn't think I'd die from wearing them, and they were only 33s. Wheeee! And I bought a shirt which is trashy--it's labeled a small and it fits like a glove, but it looked good with my cargo pants, and I actually ended up wearing it to the party that night as well. And a beautiful long sleeved dress shirt of the most perfect shade of dark blue. I didn't really need that one, I just really wanted it. And in the shoe department, I found a size 8 pair of medium brown clog style strappy Sanita sandals, which are Dansko, for $10. So they were so coming home with me. And the thrift shop has a by-weight section, which scared me so far as clothing was concerned, but they also had several big tables of shoes, with another pair of dansko (dark brown clogs with a briddle type decoration on them) and a pair of Fly Flots for $1.50 a pound. wheee!
