(no subject)

[tanaise]

I had fabulous dreams last night. Usually after reading things like Jason's sappy post, I am reminded of chances I didn't take while at Clarion. And despite still believing that I made the right choices, I still get upset thinking about it sometimes. All the whatifs. I think my dream was based around a whatif, but it was still happy and non scary and non sad. Which meant even being very freaking itchy I was still in a pretty good mood all day.

I don't remember the details of my dream, but I think it was an action/spy movie dream, which are always my favorites. Running through alleys, hiding from bad guys. Yeah. I'm just weird enough that my more romantic type dreams are usually action movies. At least I'm usually not just the love interest (and wouldn't that say something about someone if they were.) I'm not the main character exactly, either. Usually the equivalent of the French Resistance leader and love interest.

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I figured something out on my walk to walmart and back today. I don't get sad/jealous when I hear about people I know getting married or engaged or whatever because I want to be married or engaged or whatever. Or at least not just because of that. (I wouldn't mind being married, engaged, or whatever, but not just because I want to, because I want someone to love and be loved by). I get sad/jealous because I want a house. Like a real house. (no insult intended, podling babe). Something too big to afford on my own. I look at every house I walk by, and think about what I'd do with it if it was mine and all that.

And I know if I really was in a place in my life to be looking at buying a house I'd be totally freaked out and all that, but I think want to be at that point in my life--to have a job that means I could afford house payments, to have a career, a degree hopefully, all the baggage, yes, but all the trappings of being grown up. It's just a side effect of being jobless and dependant again. When I'm pulling my own weight again I won't fret so much about things like this.

Comments

[podling]

None taken. I mean, I know what you mean, I feel the same way most of the time (though I too would like to love & be loved, truthfully). But sometimes I have to be realistic about what I can have immediately (though not always, see kayak). I'm jealous of dual income people and pretty much everyone else in the world with more ability to afford these things. It's not fair, says I. Though honestly, if I lived somewhere else I could afford a house as opposed to a condo. But then again, I'm not sure when I'd have time to do yardwork. Hmmn.

[piratejenny.livejournal.com]

I want a house too. With a yard and trees and birdfeeders and...

I figure we'll get there eventually. Once I'm done paying for stupid financial mistaks of my past. Of course, that'd make me a grown-up. Shudder.