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Aug. 27th, 2004 10:51 amMeh.
There wasn't really anything *wrong* with it. I was almost asking her how she wanted to do it--a security deposit/months rent/whatever--when she mentioned that the guy who is currently living in the room is supposed to move out on August 31st, but his work contract runs for another 6 weeks, so she doesn't know what he's planning on doing after that, and some part of my brain, the part that worries about others, suddenly wouldn't let me do it.
It wasn't just that, of course. If it was a truly perfect fit, I would have pounced in a second, and he'd be the one in the cardboard box. The landlady is a nice woman, very similar in a lot of ways to older quaker ladies who I've known. The house is big, which is nice--I'd have two big rooms at the front of the house--but empty, which is not. I tend towards quietness on my own as it is, and even while she was showing me around the house, it was practically silent. I'd go crazy, I'm pretty sure of it. It's not badly sited--about a half a mile from stony brook metro stop, but she doesn't walk home, she gets off a stop before and catches a bus that takes her a block away from the house instead of about 5. It doesn't look like a *bad* neighborhood, but it's the sort of place that is just about to be bought up by yuppies, so it's still a little sketchy, and she doesn't like walking through it at night. (It's Egelston Square in Roxbury, for the locals). And I can't live somewhere that makes me nervous--I'll end up having a breakdown and moving back to PA, and no one wants that. She has a cat. Not an openly affectionate one, but a timid long haired sweetie who looks somewhat like Mr. Fluffypants back in PA. I couldn't pet her, but I could get close enough to her when we went out to the car that the landlady thought it was a neighbor's cat, so I have hopes that she would be okay with me.
And I know it wouldn't be forever, that it would just be a couple of months, and it would help me get out of there faster if I didn't like living there. but. I mean, I hated the commute to Dena's house, and her house was tiny and I always felt like I was totally in her way, even when no one else was there. but her house was so pretty and so much *her house* that even when I was by myself, it never felt as empty as this woman's house did with her in it. And I went home and there were 10 people in the kitchen making noise and telling bad jokes and laughing like crazy, and I thought, "Oh my god, I can't be that alone again." It's not that I think I need 10 people living with me, it's just...ahhhhhh!
I didn't say no. I said I was interested, but, and then my voice got all wobbly, and she changed the subject.
If I was looking for a place for the year, I could find something. Possibly even something nice, even at what I can afford to pay right now (approximately nothing). but I'm not looking for a year, just two months or so while I take my time looking for something for a year (and hopefully get more money, so I can find something nice for the year.) But finding short term is just....killing me. I think maybe it's not the sort of thing that gets advertised, that you just need to know someone who knows someone who's going to be out of town for a month... My mom doesn't think my brother will let me stay with him, even for a week or so. I haven't talked to my cousins because I feel guilty about having been here nearly 5 months and the first time I talk to them will be to ask if I can intrude on them for a while.
meh! I need another two weeks in this month. Stupid housemate! Why'd I have to find the only lesbian who isn't on her gf's lease by the third date? Stereotypes exist for a reason, people. Don't be going off on your own path.
There wasn't really anything *wrong* with it. I was almost asking her how she wanted to do it--a security deposit/months rent/whatever--when she mentioned that the guy who is currently living in the room is supposed to move out on August 31st, but his work contract runs for another 6 weeks, so she doesn't know what he's planning on doing after that, and some part of my brain, the part that worries about others, suddenly wouldn't let me do it.
It wasn't just that, of course. If it was a truly perfect fit, I would have pounced in a second, and he'd be the one in the cardboard box. The landlady is a nice woman, very similar in a lot of ways to older quaker ladies who I've known. The house is big, which is nice--I'd have two big rooms at the front of the house--but empty, which is not. I tend towards quietness on my own as it is, and even while she was showing me around the house, it was practically silent. I'd go crazy, I'm pretty sure of it. It's not badly sited--about a half a mile from stony brook metro stop, but she doesn't walk home, she gets off a stop before and catches a bus that takes her a block away from the house instead of about 5. It doesn't look like a *bad* neighborhood, but it's the sort of place that is just about to be bought up by yuppies, so it's still a little sketchy, and she doesn't like walking through it at night. (It's Egelston Square in Roxbury, for the locals). And I can't live somewhere that makes me nervous--I'll end up having a breakdown and moving back to PA, and no one wants that. She has a cat. Not an openly affectionate one, but a timid long haired sweetie who looks somewhat like Mr. Fluffypants back in PA. I couldn't pet her, but I could get close enough to her when we went out to the car that the landlady thought it was a neighbor's cat, so I have hopes that she would be okay with me.
And I know it wouldn't be forever, that it would just be a couple of months, and it would help me get out of there faster if I didn't like living there. but. I mean, I hated the commute to Dena's house, and her house was tiny and I always felt like I was totally in her way, even when no one else was there. but her house was so pretty and so much *her house* that even when I was by myself, it never felt as empty as this woman's house did with her in it. And I went home and there were 10 people in the kitchen making noise and telling bad jokes and laughing like crazy, and I thought, "Oh my god, I can't be that alone again." It's not that I think I need 10 people living with me, it's just...ahhhhhh!
I didn't say no. I said I was interested, but, and then my voice got all wobbly, and she changed the subject.
If I was looking for a place for the year, I could find something. Possibly even something nice, even at what I can afford to pay right now (approximately nothing). but I'm not looking for a year, just two months or so while I take my time looking for something for a year (and hopefully get more money, so I can find something nice for the year.) But finding short term is just....killing me. I think maybe it's not the sort of thing that gets advertised, that you just need to know someone who knows someone who's going to be out of town for a month... My mom doesn't think my brother will let me stay with him, even for a week or so. I haven't talked to my cousins because I feel guilty about having been here nearly 5 months and the first time I talk to them will be to ask if I can intrude on them for a while.
meh! I need another two weeks in this month. Stupid housemate! Why'd I have to find the only lesbian who isn't on her gf's lease by the third date? Stereotypes exist for a reason, people. Don't be going off on your own path.
