(no subject)

I usually try to avoid pimping friend type things. But I make an exception for hominysnark's cafepress shop, and not just because she usually stops hugging me before my eyes pop out.

Because, well. because if I was rich, I would probably buy the entire line for tikimama, namely the "Bad in bed" shirt and the Just Drunk Enough shirt, probably as a tank just like that, as a matter of fact. I would get darkmattr the "Clowns and Jokers" shirt. Clearly, edie22 needs a Slasher shirt. podling needs at least one fluffy bunny shirt, probably the attitude one. Or the WWBBD shirt. It's a tough call, really. And David, this one just makes me think of you. Which probably isn't right.

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trouvera came for dinner. I'd forgotten what she looks like, so I'd ended up having to have andrea call her for me and tell her where I was. So she saw the kitchen boy and can attest to his cuteness. And to the fact that he's a good cook. And I ended up telling a bunch of the housers that I'm not staying in the kitchen this evening, and weeping all over the place. They were all so so sweet, and kept thinking of ways that I could stay here. I really don't think I can approach the director about any of them, alas, because they largely stem from the idea that one houser may not be coming back. but meh! I don't know how to do this. (oh, and a lot of the plans involve the really hot one--the *really* hot one--being on a bed sharing plan with other housies. :)

Oh, and I got a good night hug from the boy, but I think he thought I'd asked for it--really I was trying to hold the door for him, but that meant reaching above his shoulder, and he misunderstood, but clearly didn't mind, cause he gave me a big hug. Love that boy. seriously. Even if I can't fool around with him, I love him being around.

And then I read email, and didn't get email from the other boy still, but he may yet be on the coast--I don't know how long he was vacationing. I'll be sad if he's home and hasn't emailed yet.

We are the pretty, petty things

I've got a leftover cramp in my calf, left over from the blinding pain at some ungodly hour when I flexed my food and woke up and sat up in pretty much one motion. It's not as bad as some I've had in the past, though when I'm sitting up clutching my calf, it is always the worst it could possibly be. It, for example, doesn't make me limp today, which some in the past have done, and I'd actually forgotten it until a minute ago when I flexed my foot.

I have to talk to my dad about 'borrowing' a huge sum of money, as most stupid freaking places want first, last, and security. Considering how close cut my budget is right now, it is to laugh. What sucks even more is how little I can afford--this place is $750 a month, but that includes 200 worth of food. So that's $550 rent that I can afford, *maybe* $650, since it should cost me less to feed myself (I just won't eat the good stuff, and I'll probably gain weight again.). The areas that I want to live in aren't much more expensive, but I simply can't afford it on this salary, never mind that I should some day be making real money again. I hate this. So much. I'm 27, I had a good job for 3 years, and I'm going to have to beg my dad for what works out to about two paychecks from my old job, and about 3 months pay from this one. And I remembered again that I'm taking home a grand total of $20 more at this job than I was while I was on unemployment. I'm earning more, but there's more taxes.

I have to stop thinking, cause everytime I'm thinking, even about unrelated things, I'll remember suddenly that I'm broke and soon to be homeless and lonely, and have a little anxiety attack. It would be nice if I could just pause my brain and deal with it on my own speed, but I suspect my own speed is rather slower than I've got time for now. It's easier when I'm not in the house. This morning a girl who is moving out (and yes, her room is already filled for the year--all the known potential spaces in the house have been filled already) gave me a hug goodbye and said, "Don't worry, September will fly by," and I nearly burst into tears. But even here, I'll remember something amusing from the house, and then think, "oh. but I don't get to be there anymore."