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Aug. 9th, 2004 01:20 amOh, so sore. So much walking, so much standing yesterday. House party last night--my roommate's birthday party. Saw one boy I went to high school with, a year ahead of him. and haven't seen since then. He works with my roommate. I went to give him a hug when he left--between the quakers now, and my former roommate's foreign friends, it's hard to remember that not everyone hugs, which I didn't remember until he looked startled, but he kissed me on the cheek (which I wasn't expecting) and hugged me in return. I told him to make my coworker invite him for dinner some night--I'd like the chance to talk to him, which I didn't really get at the party.
I bought Mike's Hard Limeades on the advice of Andrea, and damn but those things are good. I ended up drinking two of them in a fairly short span of time and this was very much not a good thing (before I sound like a total lightweight, a) they affect me more than hard(ish) alcohol does, for whatever reason, as does cider. The carbonation, maybe?, and b) I'd eaten all of a piece of frittata smaller than my hand all day). I don't know. Maybe it would have been easier in a sitting-down-drinking situation, but in a walking around situation, it made me very not happy--I got dizzy, not like dangerously dizzy, more like light headed. The way I feel when I've been starving myself. This isn't really a feeling I try to duplicate. And I do not like being unable to make my body do what it's supposed to do, and so even though it was only just barely not responding--I jostled a couple of people slightly from not being able to dodge quite as quickly as I should have--it really bothered me. I suppose I shouldn't be so upset over such a minor sort of loss of control, but it just wasn't working for me at all. One of the guys in the house was commenting on it last night, saying he wasn't surprised I didn't drink, seeing how badly I handle being out of control, and while I was surprised he'd noticed it already, it's true. I see it in other aspects of my life as well, and I don't know how to deal with it, how to come to terms with what I can control and what is out of my hands. I think this is one reason I hyper analyze things--I'm trying to get them to be controlable. WHich they aren't, because it's not just me in the picture.
I switched to water at that point, and kept drinking it for the rest of the evening. I got over the dizziness in about an hour, especially as I ate a pile of food. (really good food, too). I talked to people I knew mostly, but was brave and talked to people I didn't know as well, including a boy named Kiwi (a chosen name, which makes two people I know who chose that name) who does IT consultancy. When I told him I do webpages at HM, he kinda lit up, and asked if I do things 'on the side,' so I gave him my card. he says he gets web work questions from clients, and that he might be able to pass me some work. I did caution him that I'm not much for design, but that I'm good at maintenance and stuff like that. So we'll see.
Most of today was spent feeling sorry for myself. I went to meeting, and the time dragged, and sat on the porch in the hammock and got pinked despite never being in direct sunlight. And I spent most of end of the afternoon in a royal snit about the boy leaving. I don't know why, but it made me very cranky. I think maybe because I spent all summer thinking I'd like to get to know him better, and almost the same time as getting the chance, he's left, and I was right. I liked him. I really liked him. Maybe not happily ever after liked, but heck, at least I didn't make up excuses to avoid standing around talking to him, like the boy I was talking to after meeting today (You know those people that you talk to, and they're perfectly nice, but something in your head starts chanting 'stupid' while you're talking to them? Yeah. Ran into one of them. A mild one, so far as things go, really, but still...freakishly annoying to talk to after a while. I wanted to chew my arm off to escape, but luckily was drinking tea at the time and could say, "oops, got to run to the bathroom. nice chatting with you." and it was, actually. Just...I managed 10 minutes talking with him, and it was okay, just really boring). Actually, I really liked talking to him. He made me answer questions on the date. "tell me about your childhood," he said when we had our food and sat down. And I made him ask me specific questions, so I knew what he wanted to know about, and I remembered at times to ask him about his family, and to leave space in the conversation for it to be a conversation and not the all about me show. He's hoping to come visit in a few months. i'm hoping he moves up here either for or before gradschool. I just really liked him. I keep meeting people who I fit with like I've known them for ages, and he was one of them. He reminded me of...no one else, really. It was just like I should have known someone like him before. I told him when he left to see his friend that he had to, absolutely had to, come say good bye to me before he left, and he did. he wrote a note to the house with his contact info, and then he hugged me and told me to drop him a line from time to time, and so now I have to think of things to write about.
One thing I have to remember is that people who ask me about me and who ask me on dates and who flirt with me--they like me. And so I may not be perfect or I may make stupid comments or stuff like that, but they'll still like me, or they aren't worth worrying about at all. Kitchen boy, for all his flaws, likes my emails. He has told me that. now, he's a polite southern boy, but that's still something you don't have to say, and especially not in detail--he likes my way of telling stories. So I write to him still, and I worry less about him thinking I'm too odd.
okay, bed for me. so sleepy. And I'm sore from my feet to my shoulders, and I'm out of pain killers, and out of money so I couldn't go buy any today. Tomorrow I should be able to get money from my other bank account and thus go to CVS and get that which makes my knees feel better. *loves*
I bought Mike's Hard Limeades on the advice of Andrea, and damn but those things are good. I ended up drinking two of them in a fairly short span of time and this was very much not a good thing (before I sound like a total lightweight, a) they affect me more than hard(ish) alcohol does, for whatever reason, as does cider. The carbonation, maybe?, and b) I'd eaten all of a piece of frittata smaller than my hand all day). I don't know. Maybe it would have been easier in a sitting-down-drinking situation, but in a walking around situation, it made me very not happy--I got dizzy, not like dangerously dizzy, more like light headed. The way I feel when I've been starving myself. This isn't really a feeling I try to duplicate. And I do not like being unable to make my body do what it's supposed to do, and so even though it was only just barely not responding--I jostled a couple of people slightly from not being able to dodge quite as quickly as I should have--it really bothered me. I suppose I shouldn't be so upset over such a minor sort of loss of control, but it just wasn't working for me at all. One of the guys in the house was commenting on it last night, saying he wasn't surprised I didn't drink, seeing how badly I handle being out of control, and while I was surprised he'd noticed it already, it's true. I see it in other aspects of my life as well, and I don't know how to deal with it, how to come to terms with what I can control and what is out of my hands. I think this is one reason I hyper analyze things--I'm trying to get them to be controlable. WHich they aren't, because it's not just me in the picture.
I switched to water at that point, and kept drinking it for the rest of the evening. I got over the dizziness in about an hour, especially as I ate a pile of food. (really good food, too). I talked to people I knew mostly, but was brave and talked to people I didn't know as well, including a boy named Kiwi (a chosen name, which makes two people I know who chose that name) who does IT consultancy. When I told him I do webpages at HM, he kinda lit up, and asked if I do things 'on the side,' so I gave him my card. he says he gets web work questions from clients, and that he might be able to pass me some work. I did caution him that I'm not much for design, but that I'm good at maintenance and stuff like that. So we'll see.
Most of today was spent feeling sorry for myself. I went to meeting, and the time dragged, and sat on the porch in the hammock and got pinked despite never being in direct sunlight. And I spent most of end of the afternoon in a royal snit about the boy leaving. I don't know why, but it made me very cranky. I think maybe because I spent all summer thinking I'd like to get to know him better, and almost the same time as getting the chance, he's left, and I was right. I liked him. I really liked him. Maybe not happily ever after liked, but heck, at least I didn't make up excuses to avoid standing around talking to him, like the boy I was talking to after meeting today (You know those people that you talk to, and they're perfectly nice, but something in your head starts chanting 'stupid' while you're talking to them? Yeah. Ran into one of them. A mild one, so far as things go, really, but still...freakishly annoying to talk to after a while. I wanted to chew my arm off to escape, but luckily was drinking tea at the time and could say, "oops, got to run to the bathroom. nice chatting with you." and it was, actually. Just...I managed 10 minutes talking with him, and it was okay, just really boring). Actually, I really liked talking to him. He made me answer questions on the date. "tell me about your childhood," he said when we had our food and sat down. And I made him ask me specific questions, so I knew what he wanted to know about, and I remembered at times to ask him about his family, and to leave space in the conversation for it to be a conversation and not the all about me show. He's hoping to come visit in a few months. i'm hoping he moves up here either for or before gradschool. I just really liked him. I keep meeting people who I fit with like I've known them for ages, and he was one of them. He reminded me of...no one else, really. It was just like I should have known someone like him before. I told him when he left to see his friend that he had to, absolutely had to, come say good bye to me before he left, and he did. he wrote a note to the house with his contact info, and then he hugged me and told me to drop him a line from time to time, and so now I have to think of things to write about.
One thing I have to remember is that people who ask me about me and who ask me on dates and who flirt with me--they like me. And so I may not be perfect or I may make stupid comments or stuff like that, but they'll still like me, or they aren't worth worrying about at all. Kitchen boy, for all his flaws, likes my emails. He has told me that. now, he's a polite southern boy, but that's still something you don't have to say, and especially not in detail--he likes my way of telling stories. So I write to him still, and I worry less about him thinking I'm too odd.
okay, bed for me. so sleepy. And I'm sore from my feet to my shoulders, and I'm out of pain killers, and out of money so I couldn't go buy any today. Tomorrow I should be able to get money from my other bank account and thus go to CVS and get that which makes my knees feel better. *loves*
