(no subject)

I'm reading Fiona Walker's newest book, "Lots of Love" now, and oddly enough, I'm being reminded of the Alice Hoffman book "Turtle Moon" which is one of my very very very favorites of her books. It's very subtle, but I love it. And like Turtle Moon, it makes me very sad.

See, American romance novels, they're like candy. Everything is always happily ever after at the end of them, and you wouldn't want it any other way. The British novels I love some much, they don't work that way. Yes, they end up with the right people at the end, but one of my favorite authors (Jill Mansell) likes to do that by killing the front runner off at a crucial point. Always someone gets horribly hurt by someone else. They don't have stupid fights that revolve around the fact that while they're perfectly willing to get naked with each other, they're incapable of saying "maybe we should talk a little" One of my very favorites that I don't have (my best friend in DC and I would take turns importing books from Amazon, so I have about half of the ones I really want, and about 6 or 8 that I really don't want),

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(no subject)

Oh, and because there just is not enough Michael Ian Black in the world as it is,

Michael Ian Black at McSweeneys.

The world needs more Michael Ian Black. To be exact, the world needs a DVD release of all of The State episodes.

And speaking of DVDs....eeeeeeeee! Firefly! Note to anyone who would be getting this and gloating over me: I hate you, and I will always hate you, and you will deserve my hatred.

(no subject)

For Jenny: "Vibrators are not cat toys, especially while in use. "

The bad Kitty list.

THINGS TO DO WHILE WATCHING "THE RETURN OF THE KING"

From marrael's journal.

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Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?!?"

Block the entrance to the theatre while screaming, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better." [Sure fire suicide method.]

At some point during the movie, stand up and shout, "I must go! Middle-earth needs me!", run and try to jump into the screen. After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat.

Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says, "the Ring".

Ask the nearest Ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogworts.

Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr Anderson".

When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it MY WAY!"

Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.

When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck.

Dress up as old ladies and re-enact the Battle of Helm's Deep, Monty Python-style.

When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"

Ask people around you who they think is the next Terminator sent from the Middle-earth future to assassinate Frodo Baggins.

In "The Two Towers", when the Ents march to war, stand up and shout, "Run, Forest! Run!"

Every time someone kills an Orc, yell, "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.

During a wide-angle shot of a battle, ask "Where's Waldo?"

Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.

Start an Orc sing-along.

Come to the premiere dressed as Frank N Furter and wander around looking terribly confused.

Remove the top off your drink, then set fire to the straw. Tell people in the seats around you about a great battle that took place in your cup long ago.

When they go into the Paths of the Dead, wait for a tense moment, and shout, "I see dead people!"

Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby, and Yoda would be like.

Release a jar of daddy-longlegs into the theatre during the Shelob scene.

When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's really let herself go!"